I used to be so focused, so driven to do something reasonably substantial with my music — driven to try and make a difference somehow, maybe make an impact on someone’s life, and to someday be able to earn a healthy living through writing, recording, distributing and performing my music. But these days that aspiration is just a vapor.

With an oatmeal stout in one hand and pen in the other I wrote the words:

Aspiration — it’s an unattainable vapor of hope materialized only by some freak act of circumstance, luck, and someone actually buying into the idea you’re trying to sell. What is greater — the death of your ideas or aspiration itself? I’m inclined to say the latter of the two, but with understanding that repeated crushing blows to the former leads to the latter. In addition, you cannot destroy one without destroying the other. Aspiration is undeniably linked to our ideas, our hopes, and our dreams.

God, who brought the shoe-gazer to the party?

But I ask the other musicians, song writers and performers out there — do you experience the same challenges to your ambitions? When no one comes to the shows. When the last CD you sold was eight months ago. When you feel your music isn’t penetrating into the markets that you would love to be heard in. What keeps you playing those empty cafes, writing the songs that few will hear, recording CD’s and mp3’s that few will buy? For at what point does it stop being about what you want to do and what you want others to see, hear, and take away from your music?

Anyway, there’s a lot that I’ve been thinking about these days, and contemplating if maintaining this site and any music aspirations is just a waste of time, energy, and passion.

It’s a short piece just shy of three minutes, so probably not long enough to fall asleep to unless you’ve got your mp3 player on repeat or have taken a sleep aid prior to downloading today’s improv piece. Either way, it’s a nice relaxing piece that might help bring a little bit of calm to whatever storm you may be experiencing today.

Enjoy. And as always, if you enjoy what you hear please leave some comments and buy an album or two.

I won’t be offering up a play-by-play of the tune today and just invite you to sit back, relax and enjoy.

I have to be frank and say that 2007 was a very difficult year when Crash Effect fell apart, taking with it my desire to pick up my guitar and create any music that was worth recording and sharing with others. And with little-to-no inquiry as to why I wasn’t doing music anymore, I contently let my musical aspirations fall by the wayside and chalk it up to a change in my life — one that I know I’d regret. For the past year, I can count on one hand the number of times that I had literally picked up my guitar — and that kinda makes me sad.

So with fall rapidly approaching, I’m re-arranging my priorities a bit and will be scheduling in some time to start playing again, and Lord willing will record and share those things with you. If you want to hear more music out of me, please do send along your encouraging words — they help prod me on to do greater things.

- michael